I use two excellent sources for this self-reflection. I learned the Focussed Conversation Method from the Institute of Cultural Affairs Canada (http://ica-associates.ca/). This method, called an ORID, guides an individual or a group through a flow of Objective, Reflective, Interpretive, and Decisional perspectives. When I am facilitating with a group and feel that something is happening that needs to be examined, I initially use an ORID in my head to assess the situation. I ask myself: O - What do I hear and see? R - How do I feel about it? I - What do I think the group participants are feeling and thinking? D – Do I need to share my observations with the group?
The second source is the Mutual Learning Cycle from The Skilled Facilitator by Roger Schwarz (http://www.schwarzassociates.com/). With this method, I talk to myself by Observing – What do I see and hear?, then Making Meaning of what I think it means, and then Choosing whether it is worthwhile to say something to the group.
Knowing and using both of these methods helps me stay calm when facilitating; which in turn, hopefully, helps the group achieve better discussions and decisions.